Sexual Desire Discrepancy

Intimacy takes many forms and is made up of many components, including time spent, experiences shared, and empathy shared with someone. Intimate partnerships can share all sorts of intimacy. While intimacy is a necessary part of a longterm, committed sexual relationship, it needs to be balanced with autonomy in order for sexual desire to take place.

The messages we receive from society tell us that we should know everything about our partner(s) from their deepest fantasies to what they had from breakfast this morning. This notion is romantic beyond reality. When we give ourselves fully to another person and are too intimate, desire is suffocated. The experts, including Esther Perel, Emily Negowski and David Schnarch agree that intimacy must be balanced with autonomy in a relationship if sexual desire is to be present. If the relationship grows too intimate without the balance of individualism, what once was a fulfilling and fun sexual relationship can become more like a familial relationship. Through discussing and assessing boundaries, intimacy can start to feel more enjoyable rather than smothering.

On the flip side, it’a important to maintain a level of intimacy because becoming too distant can lead to a loss of vulnerability, connection, and desire.

Sex Therapy leads to a clearer picture of what’s going on in the relationship. Together, we will discover how much intimacy and autonomy is required for your unique relationship.

At Bliss, we welcome all clients, including all sexual preferences, consensual practices, and identities. We work with clients who identify as “kinky” or practice BDSM, or have particular sexual fetishes. We are kink friendly and knowledgable.

Kink is a general term that includes any form of sex outside the mainstream. Kink can be associated with BDSM, Leather, and/or fetish play.

BDSM is an erotic power exchange that includes activities in which one person controls the behavior of another and/or puts them in bondage, and/or gives them intense sensations. BDSM derives from B/D for bondage and discipline, D/S for dominance and submission, and S/M for sadomasochism.

Fetishism can be a nice accompaniment to a sexual Kink, or it can be a troubling hinderance. While there are carrying degrees of fetishism it can become a problem when it interferes with sexual and social functioning, including then sexual arousal is impossible without the fetish object. This can be an extremely isolating and painful place to exist. Please know that fetishism is not uncommon and it feels to isolating because people can carry deep shame around their fetishism. If you are suffering because of your fetish you are not alone. Depending on the severity of your fetish, through honest and committed therapeutic work you maybe be able to enjoy more normative sexual acts. In all cases you will learn how to better accept yourself and your sexual desires.

Polyamory and non-monogamy include all forms of consensual sexual relationships other than monogamy.

Navigating a polyamorous relationships and consensual non-monogamy takes a valiant effort on the part of all parties involved. Through working on constructive, honest communication, and exploring hurtful emotions, including jealousy you and your partner(s) will learn about each others triggers and what they mean together. This work encourages empathy and trust for and in each other. Something about watching your partner(s) put in the work restores commitment to the process and motivation moving forward.

Please invite all of your partners to therapy with you. The more people in the room the more growth we can expect.

I also work with couples who are flirting with, or in the process of opening up your relationship. Whether you’re looking for guidance, or desire to flesh out some hurtful issues therapy is helpful option.

Bliss welcomes trans, queer, genderqueer, gender non-conforming, gender diverse, and intersex individuals (as well as folks with an LGBTQIA identity) who want support addressing questions about gender identity, expression and presentation, the transition process, inner conflicts. relationship issues and problems, conflicts and concerns about or in their families, places of work and communities.

LGBTQIA+, Gender Non Conforming and Non-Binary as well as Queer and Trans People of Color continue to experience stigma, harassment, discrimination, and violence. If you are in need of support surrounding your experiences as a someone who is questioning their sexuality or gender expression or identify within the LGBTQIA+ please contact us.

Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860
Hotline for trans people staffed by trans people

Infidelity is when one person in a relationship has some form of affair be it sexual or emotional, it is dishonest. Infidelity causes deep hurt and distrust in a relationship, but the truth is that there were problems all ready happening before and during the infidelity that need to be uncovered and addressed in order for the relationship to move forward if that is what is desired. Esther Perel says there are many relationships within a long term relationship, there is one before the affair and there is a new one after the affair. Therapy will hold space for you to grieve your old relationship, express your anger in the current situation and learn how to trust and be intimate again in a new way when you feel you ready.

Disclaimer: Just because you come to relationship therapy does not mean you have to want to stay in your relationship. We assist clients in finding their authentic selves, which may involve facilitation of separating. We do not believe relationships are superior and we do not work to save relationships in spite of one or both partners wanting to end the relationship.